


Navy Blue

by defendt0pbunk, Okaylittlebrother



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bottom Castiel, Break Up, Codependency, DeanCas - Freeform, Emotional Hurt, F/M, I Don't Even Know, Jealous Dean, M/M, Masturbation, Riding, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 21:07:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2165250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defendt0pbunk/pseuds/defendt0pbunk, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Okaylittlebrother/pseuds/Okaylittlebrother
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel sees Dean out in public for the first time after a year and Cas doesn't like the thought of seeing him with someone else</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> guys this is really fucking sad, i'm so sorry
> 
>  
> 
> [listen to the song](http://youtu.be/7KJKTvbk_Us)

**I bet it hurts to read "permanence"**

**I used to think on all of this**

**And how you don't**

Castiel paced quietly across the parking lot to his car. His hands shook as he fumbled with the keys. His eyes burned and his chest was heavy. He sat motionless in his seat staring blankly through the windshield. Then it hit him like a tidal wave. The first tear fell slowly, then he began to sob uncontrollably. He pressed his forehead to the steering wheel and tears fell to his jeans, darkening the denim fabric.

His chest hurt, heart heavy. He felt like it had healed after all those months of being apart, but it shattered to pieces when he saw him again. Out of all places...he had to see Dean Winchester in the fucking grocery store- and not just by himself- no! He was with a woman. A very beautiful woman in fact and he looked happy with her and the thought of Dean being happy with someone else made him sick to his stomach.

Tears poured down Castiel’s face as he sat there. His entire body shaking. He sobbed loudly as he let his head fall back against the seat. Hot tears rolled down the side of his head and into his into his ears.

After a few minutes he tried to collect himself the best he could manage before leaving the parking lot. He pulled down the sun visor and looked in the mirror. His eyes: soaked, puffy, and red rimmed. He scoffed to himself and shook his head.

He shouldn't be crying over a guy. He should move on, find someone else. It seemed that no matter how hard he tried, it was impossible. Dean called it quits more than over a year ago. He should really start dating again, but he couldn't. He'd find a guy brown hair, green eyes, freckles. Every single man resembling Dean Winchester. He was content with the guy for a while but he'd force himself to leave because something was off: the guy was not Dean. They drove shitty cars, and listened to horrible music, they liked the wrong kind of pie, they didn't have a sibling that they cared so deeply for, they didn't have a nerdy side to them. After all this time he was still in love with Dean and he was ashamed to admit it.

**Damn, it's hard to find**

**Sustenance when all I had**

**Was love for this**

**And now you don't**

It was pathetic really, spending all this time and energy thinking about someone who no longer cares about you anymore. It irritated Castiel immensely that Dean could move on to someone else so quickly, while he sat sulking over someone he could never have again. He guessed it wasn't quickly, it had been over a year but still.

When he finally got home it had began to get dark. He walked through the kitchen and tossed his keys on the counter. Then his phone rang, he pulled it from his pocket and unlocked it to answer the call. "Hey, Anna." He answered, trying his best to sound a little enthusiastic.

"Hey, little brother." She replied. He could her the grin in her voice.

"How've you been?" He asked. "It's not even Friday yet. Did something happen?" All the sudden he was in worry mode. Anna only called him every Friday to just talk for an hour or two. She had moved out to California to get away from their crazy ass mother a year or so ago, _with_ Jo Harvelle, one of Dean's friends. He had set them up on a date that night that Dean and Cas had a bonfire in their backyard.

"Oh no," she huffed a laugh. "Everything is fine. It's just that someone told Charlie who told Jo, who told me, that you saw someone today while you were in town."

Castiel swallowed hard and zoned out for a few seconds before answering. "Yeah, yeah." He swallowed again. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand and made his way to the living room to turn the central air on. _Why the hell is it so hot in here?_ "I, uh, I-I did see him." He stuttered.

"Was it bad?" She asked quietly.

"No, no. It was good." He lied. "He looks great. He looks better now than what he did before he left me." He said trying to pass the last part of his response off as a joke.

"You're lying, Cas." Anna pointed out. "It was bad wasn't it?"

"No." Cas blurted out quickly.

"Scale of one to ten, ten being the worst. Go."

"Thirteen." He answered bleakly.

"Jesus Christ, Cas." She said in disbelief. "How the hell could it have been that bad?"

"Well for starters, he was with a woman." He paused for a beat. "A gorgeous woman at that. Long dark hair, big brown eyes..." He trailed off. "She was cute and he looked happy. Happier that he was when we together."

"So what happened?" She asked curiously.

"He saw me and we had a quick awkward conversation, then I left the store _without my groceries_ and cried in my car." He explained.

"Castiel..." She sighed. "You have to move on sometime, dude. It's not healthy to be in the situation that you're in. You broke up over a year ago-"

Cas cut her off, "he left me, Anna. There's a huge difference." He sighed heavily. "And he probably has been dating that woman for a year. Or-or maybe, he reverted back to his old ways...sleeping with everything with two legs and a pulse. I know him, Anna. He's not the type of guy to walk around, grocery shopping. He likes hook ups and sleazy bar on the bad side of town and quick blowjobs in the front seat of his car. Not playing poker with the neighbors on Saturday nights and waking up to the same person every morning. He doesn't do that."

"Maybe he's been with her for awhile.."

Castiel rolled his eyes and sighed. "Not helping, asshole." He didn't want to think about that. He didn't care about the woman Dean was with.

"You just need to find someone and move on, bro. Move on- forget him. It's over. He's not coming back. You just need to find someone else to be happy with. Being stuck on him is just...sad and creepy. And stalker-ish."

"I've _tried_! I've dated a few guys since he left. Had a few hook ups as well. Nothing. Literally nothing is working. I still love him. I don't know why...it just doesn't feel right to be with someone else. I've tried and I wish I could move on..I really do but, I feel like we're _supposed_ to be together, Anna."

"That's your problem. You need to get out more, go to bars, go clubbing. I know you've got some friends, Cas. You need to get over him, 'cause if he's been with this woman for a while..you know it's fucking over between you two and there's nothing you can do about it. Except move on."

"I can't..just said that. My relationships now last a period of like two weeks. I can't do it."

"I'm trying to help you, Cas..."

"How's Jo? She like Cali as much as you do?" Cas asked, changing the subject quickly.

Anna took in a sharp breath. "She's-" she exhaled deeply. "She's good. She likes it, we're trying to adjust to the traffic laws over here. It's fucking insane!"

"That's good." The line was quiet for a minute. Cas ran a hand through his already mussed hair and sighed. "I think i'm gonna hop in the shower, sis. It's been a long day."

"Alright. Okay. Think about it, Cas. Move on.."

"Anna.."

"Sorry." She apologized. "I'll talk to you soon, Castiel. I love you."

"Love you too."

He laid his phone on the couch next to him and rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands, letting out another sigh. "Oh my fucking God." He muttered quietly before getting up and heading to the bathroom.

**Now I just abuse**

**Substances to drown**

**Out your accomplishments**

**However few**

Castiel took Anna's advice and went out the following weekend. Not to some club. He thought that was kind of raunchy. He just drove to the local bar downtown and had a few drinks with his brothers and by few it was: a beer at one bar and then Gabriel and Luke dragged him to a nightclub where a few guys bought him shots of Grey Goose and Patrón. He remembers dancing with a guy _blond_  hair and _blue_ eyes. He didn't think this one had freckles. Or even look the slightest bit like Dean. The guy ordered him shot after shot and soon Gabriel, Lucifer, and Rachel drug his drunk ass to the car and he insisted on taking the handsome, blue eyed beauty home with him.

The morning after Cas woke up a headache hammering harshly behind his eyeballs, the morning sun shone bright through the sheer curtains making him hiss. He looked down and noticed his bare chest. He then noticed his bare hipbones. _Where the fuck are my boxe-_ his thoughts were cut off when he turned his head and focused on a man sleeping silently next to him. He scratched his head and squinted in confused. "Did I..." He trailed off as he got out of bed and started search the floor for his discarded boxers from the night before. He gave up looking and grabbed a fresh pair from his dresser and slipped them on and headed to the kitchen.

He rummaged the cabinets for some Advil first thing and swallowed them with a glass of water. He pinched the bridge of his nose to stop the pounding momentarily and then started a pot of coffee. He was leaning against the counter when he heard the sound of feet against the floor.

"Mm. Something smells good." The guy from last night said as he pulled a gray cotton shirt of his head.

"I'm making coffee." Castiel said.

The guy hummed and nodded as he sat down at the table. "Man, last night was crazy." He said as his ran a hand through his bed head.

"Yeah." Cas replied sarcastically with a roll of his eyes. The coffee pot beeped loudly and made his ears ring making him wince. He grabbed a coffee cup for himself and made himself a cup. He leaned against the counter once more, coffee on hand. The silence was awkward. "So did we, uh-" he trailed off, gesturing between the two of them.

"Did we fuck?" The guys asked with a grinned. Castiel nodded in response. "Yes, and it was great..." There was the awkward silence again. "Do you have any cereal?" The guy asked looking at Castiel from across the room.

Cas choked and inhaled his coffee. He looked at him as he wiped the coffee from his mouth. He sat his cup down before answering. "This-" he gestured quickly between the two of them again. "This. Is. _Not_. Happening." He told him. "I'm not gonna make breakfast and sit at the table and eat while we small talk. I'm not giving you coffee, or cereal. I was drunk and you were cute. This was a one time thing. I met you at a club, I got very drunk and took you home, we fucked. That was it. That's all it is." He finished with a deep sigh.

"C'mon," the guy said as he got up and made his way over to Cas. "I can stay for a little while, right?" He asked as he left soft pecks down the side of Castiel's neck.

Cas pushed him away with a quickness. "No, you can't get your shit and get out, John." He ordered.

The guy looked at him confused, "it's- it's Josh. Not John..."

"Josh." He corrected himself. "I think it's time you left, I have shit I need to get done."

"Ok, well I guess i'll get going then."

Cas nodded. "Alright." He said smiling and leading _Josh_ to the door.

He shut the door as soon as he was outside. Cas didn't care if he had someone picking him up or not. It wasn't his problem, but he did realize he came off as a little bit of an asshole.

**All of this frustrates me bad**

**And I can't stay mad at you**

**Or change anything**

**That I had**

His mind flooded with thoughts of Dean again even though his hook up from the club last night had just left moments ago. He thought that hooks up were supposed to make you forget shit, but reality sets in shortly after you send them on their way. Now he was alone, in his tiny apartment again.

He sat with his head in his hands for a few minutes, staring into space every so often. _What the fuck made him leave anyway? Was he not happy?_ He scoffed to himself. _Of course he was happy, he told me so and I refuse to believe otherwise._ Soon he was standing up knocking things over and breaking things. He was breathing heavily after his short rampage. Why was he mad? He knows it wasn't because of Dean. He could never be mad at Dean, well not for long anyway. He was gone and Castiel knew he couldn't change that.

**He told me**

**Don't think like that**

**It's really not that bad**

The week after Dean left, Castiel was blowing up his phone asking him to come back. He didn't give in. He begged and begged Dean to come home to him, but he didn't. Months and months passed before Dean had contacted Castiel again. That time he was back to bargaining with Dean. Dean explained to him over and over again that he wasn't coming back to him, and that him leaving wasn't that bad. He told Cas to move on because he had and he need someone in his life to make him happy.

"You make me happy, Dean! You can't do this. Please come back. I still love you. You didn't give me a valid reason. Or a reason at all for that matter, you just walked the fuck out and didn't look back."

"Cas..." Dean sighed.

"No- fuck no! You don't get to call me Cas, Dean."

"Cas.." Dean repeated once more totally ignoring him as he laughed. "I'm with Lisa now. I can't just leave her. I'm happy, we're happy."

Cas felt a pang in his chest when he heard her name. He felt like the wind was knocked out of him. He was in tears now. "Dean, you have to come back..you and me could be happy again. I'll do whatever it takes."

"I gotta go, Cas.." Dean said as he huffed a laugh.

He must've thought that Castiel sounded pathetic crying and begging for him back. He was serious. He would do literally anything to have him back.

**I hope this makes you sad**

**I hope this makes you sad**

Castiel hoped that when Dean had saw him in the store the other day. He'd go home and think about him the rest of the day but, Cas would never even know he did because Dean isn't his anymore. He shares his thoughts and secrets and feelings with someone else now and just the thought of that is enough to bring Castiel to tears all on it's own.

Dean would never be upset because Castiel had a new boyfriend. He wouldn't be jealous that Castiel had moved on. Even though Castiel prayed he would be. Or would he be? Castiel thought back to that one time when He, Dean and Gadreel went out for drink and Cas flirted with the bartender to get a free drink. Dean's entire face was red from the tips of his ears probably all the way to his toes. Now that he thought back on it, the bartender wasn't really all that cute and he knew no one could compete with Dean's good looks. Making an ex jealous was wrong and He could never do that to Dean for real, even if Dean was doing the same thing to him. He still loved the man and he would never stoop to such a level.

**If It's something serious**

**Then hit me up**

**But until then**

**The door is shut**

**Forget my room**

Castiel couldn't talk to Dean unless it was about something serious. It seemed like everytime he talked to Cas the only thing that came out of his mouth was "move on"

Dean knew that he couldn't just _move on_. Castiel had damn near beat it into him. But yet, Dean wanted to talk to him about Lisa. Castiel didn't have an asshole personality but her could give two fucks less about her. In a way she did kind of ruin his life. _Did dean leave me for her? Was he fucking her when we together?_ He couldn't help but wonder.

He laid across the couch with Atreyu in his lap, petting her and listening to her soft purrs as the phone rang. He was nervous. He really had no reason to be calling Dean. No reason at all. It was none of his business if he was fucking this woman while he and Dean were together. Actually, come to think about it, it was. If he was fucking her while they were together, that's probably why he left to begin with.

Shit, the tears started.

"Hello?"

Castiel whimpered when he heard Dean's voice. He sniffled as quietly as possible as more tears fell.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" He asked. He waited for a few seconds. "Cas..is that you?" He asked softly.

Castiel clutched his chest and sobbed quietly before answering. "Yes, Dean. It's me." He said through sniffles.

"Hey, man..why're you callin' so late? You know what time it is?"

"I know what time it is, Dean. I'm sorry if I woke you. I'll let you go. Sorry for bothering you.."

"Cas, wait..." Dean nearly shouted, it was a loud whisper. "What did you need?" He asked lowering his voice.

"I just-" he trailed off. "Never mind it's childish of me to ask let alone even think it. I don't want to make any wrong assumptions."

"Spit it out already." Dean ordered softly.

"Were you sleeping her when we were together? Is that why you left?" Cas blurted out. He bit his tongue, feeling ashamed of the question.

"Lisa?" Dean chuckled.

"Yeah.."

"No. No, no, no." He replied without hesitation. "I wasn't fucking her when we were together, and I didn't leave you for her." Dean explained.

A huge weight felt like it was lifted off Castiel's shoulders. He sighed deeply in relief. "Why- why did you leave me? You never gave me a reason..." He said.

"I-" he heard Dean sigh. "I, uh, I was scared.."

"Scared? Why?"

"I don't know, because I loved you and I was a fuck up and I didn't want to ruin your life. You deserve so much better than that...so I left."

Tears fell from Castiel eyes and he was certain that Dean could hear his sobs over the phone, "you-" he choked. "I really don't, Dean. I wanted you. I still want you. You're not a fuck up. You're not, I promise you that. You are everything but.." He sobbed harder knowing now that that was why he actually left. _So you left me because you're a fuck up? But you left, and now you're with someone else, so you can fuck up their life?_ "You left me, and you knew all this time the reason why- a _very very_ ridiculous reason at that- and you want to call me so you can listen to me cry and bitch about how I haven't moved on because i'm still in love with you?"

"You called me.." Dean pointed out slowly.

"Shut up, Dean. You know what i'm talking about. All those times i've called you begging for you to come back. You left because you're a fuck up? Well I don't know if you've noticed, but i'm pretty fucked up myself, so you basically left me for nothing."

"No.." Dean replied.

"Dean, I don't have time for this shit.." Cas explained.

Dean let out a laugh, "Cas, it's three o'clock in the fucking morning.. Please tell me you don't have anything better to do."

"Yeah, I need to sleep." Castiel replied curtly. "And if your lady wakes up-"

"Lisa's not going to wake up. She's fast asleep. We can talk, it's okay."

"No Dean, I really have to go."

Dean scoffed, "why do you have to go? I know for a goddamn fact, that when I hang up you're gonna start crying.."

"So?" Castiel said with a shrug. "Why do you care? It's none of you business if I cry or not.."

"It kind of is though, Cas." He explained. "I know you, it's my fault you're crying."

"Bye, Dean."

Just like Dean predicted, Castiel broke into tears as soon as he hung up the phone. Damn! He hated when Dean was right. He was glad he got his reason, but that was not the reason he expected. He didn't think Dean was a fuck up and even if he was, that wouldn't stop Cas from loving him.

Dean was no good with dealing with his feelings and he tried to turn everything into a joke to hide the fact that he hurt. The only time he took things seriously is if he was the one to initiate the conversation. Otherwise if you want to get all emotional, forget it because it won't happen.

**And if I had a match for every lie**

**And every attempt to deny**

**I'd strike a few**

The following morning Castiel woke up to someone blow up his phone. He reached out and felt blindly for it on the nightstand next to the bed. He didn't see who it was, he really didn't care.

"What?" He asked curtly, his voice still filled with sleep.

"Oh God, i'm sorry! I didn't- I thought- I, uh, I-I thought you'd be awake. You were always awake before noon. I didn't know you were still sleeping. I'll let you go."

"Dean?" Castiel asked as he propped himself up on his elbows and groaned, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Why are you calling me so early?" Cas explained. He _never_ called Cas. Unless... "Dean? Is something wrong? Did something happen to Sam?" He asked, his tone more alert than before.

Dean laughed, "no, no, man no! Sam- he's...Sam's fine. I just- I actually just called to check on you."

Castiel raised a brow and nodded. "To check on me? Why?" He asked in confusion.

"Why?" Dean repeated. "Because..I can. And it seemed like a nice gesture."

"Dean, i'm fine." He lied. "You didn't have to do that. I can take care of myself." He really wasn't fine. That was his answer every time Dean asked if he was okay. He didn't want to burden the guy with his trouble more than he already had. Just crying while they were on the phone the night before was ridiculous enough.

"No you're not. You can tell me what's wrong." Dean said. "It's okay."

Castiel let out a frustrated groan. "Dean, seriously! I'm fine, really. Take Lisa and her kid out for breakfast."

"Lisa's at her yoga class and Ben's at a friend's place. It's just me,  I have an hour and a half to kill. We can talk." He said. "I want to talk to you." Dean told him, his tone had softened a little.

"No! Nope! I'm not doing this. You left for a reason and all of the sudden you're worried about my emotional problems?" Castiel asked as he dragged himself out of bed with a yawn.

"Well..yeah. We're still friends, right?" Dean asked with a laugh.

Cas scoffed and rolled his eyes. That a fucking stupid assumption. "Me crying on the phone, while you told me the reason you walked out on me in the first place...does not, in _any way_ qualify us as friends."

Dean let out a sarcastic laugh. "C'mon, Cas don't fucking be like that, man! Ex's can still be friends-"

"No. They can't. You're an ex and it's going to stay that way. The only circumstance that would really require us to be friends or even keep contact with each other after we've  split, which we've already done..would be if we had a kid together and there isn't one of those..so either, you clearly want to be friends or you still have unresolved feelings for me." Castiel explained in a harsh tone.

"Dude." Dean laughed. "We can't procreate together. We're guys."

"Dean, that's not the point."

"Well, what is your point, Cas?"

Cas huffed a sigh, " _my point Dean_ , is that we can't stay friends because it will ruin everything that you and Lisa have and i'm not a homewrecker and the only time we talk anyway is when you want something."

"When _I_ want something?" Dean asked with a chuckle.

"Yeah." Cas answered him nonchalantly.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold on!" Dean let out a laugh that sounded like it made his chest rumble. " _You_ were the one that called _me_ out of the blue after months of not speaking. So clearly _you_ are the one that calls me when you need something." He explained.

Cas took a minute to answer. "Well, it was bothering me, and the call seemed sort of important. I needed an answer." He paused for what felt like forever. "And don't try to tell me that if the situation was reversed that you wouldn't call me and ask either."

Cas could almost hear the grin in his voice. "I wouldn't have to, because if the situation were reversed we'd still be together. You loved me too much to ever leave." Cas noticed a Dean let out that pained laugh he always made when he tried to hide his feelings. That hit him hard. Because it almost sounded like...like Dean regretted leaving him.

An awkward silence fell over them. Cas was the first one to clear the air with a quick clap of his hands. "Alright, now that we've established that i'm fine from last night's cry fest, i'm gonna go and you're...gonna go do whatever...it is that you do with..Lisa. So i'll let you go and you can forget you ever called me in the first place, okay? Okay." He hung up that phone before Dean even had a chance to respond. He let out a heavy relieved sigh knowing that he was off the phone. He didn't want to think about what was just said. He was trying to move on and that conversation wasn't helping in the slightest.

**I am the walls, the silent halls**

**The jacket at your brother's wedding**

**Navy blue**

It had been almost two weeks since Castiel's last conversation with Dean. Since then he's missed every call Dean has left him, ignored every text, and currently has over six voice mails, all from Dean just wondering why Castiel was ignoring him. It was clearly the last thing Dean had said before Castiel rudely hung up on him. It was replaying in his mind over and over, like a broken record. _You loved me too much to ever leave_.

_You loved me too much to ever leave._

__

_Loved me too much._

__

_Loved me._

__

_Too much._

Cas felt like he was going insane. There wasn't a time during the day when he wasn't thinking about Dean. He tried and tried to get himself to stop. It was hard. The worse thing he could possibly do was ignore him and he was having a horrible time doing that, because every time his phone rang, it would be Dean and he had to keep himself from answering it.

Cas didn't need Dean's help trying to forget him. He was keeping his distance and keeping his distance meant to calls or text messages either, but no matter how hard he tried his mind would always land back on Dean. He couldn't move on. It was physically impossible. They were supposed to be together forever. This wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to leave.

There were days when Cas would shuffle through his closet and glance toward the back and see that navy blue jacket he wore to Jess and Sam's wedding. He should really throw that away, because all it did was reminded him of Dean.

He remembered it clear as day.

He draped the jacket on the back of the folding metal chair before he got up to join Dean on the dance floor. He rolled his sleeves up as he made his way over to him. After a few songs the music slowed and he had laid his head on Dean's shoulder. That's when it happened.

_"I think I'm starting to love you, Dean Winchester." He whispered in the other man's ear._

__

_"Yeah?" Dean asked as he pulled back to grin at Cas._

__

_Castiel blushed and nodded. "Yeah."_

_**  
**_It's been hanging back there, just collecting dust. He's only worn it that once. It probably doesn't even fit right anymore. He keeps insisting on throwing it out, but he never does follow through because it's 'too much work to dig through all these clothes to get back there'. So he just leaves it.


	2. Maybe Again Someday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a really short chapter, i'm so sorry. i kinda rushed through it...

Castiel hasn't heard from Dean going on three weeks now. They have these periods were they talk everyday for like three days in a row and then they suddenly stop. Dean's bothering Cas with his "being friends" talk, like they're buddies now. Which they're not.

It's awkward for Cas because he's so afraid he's going to ruin what Lisa and Dean have together and he doesn't want that.

So when Anna calls on Friday, Cas vents to her. About Dean. Again.

"I mean the entire situation is a fucking train wreck! One night I called to ask him a very serious question, which I got my answer to. We argued back and forth resulting in my hanging up and crying. _Then_ he calls me at the 7:30 a few hours later to "check" on me. What the fuck? I don't get it."

"Maybe he does still love you..." Anna told him. "If he doesn't...then why is he calling you all the time?" She paused to let Castiel say something. When he didn't, she continued. "But you guys haven't talk in weeks, have you?" She asked.

"No," Cas answered, shaking his head. "We haven't. He calls me, because what if the _one time_ I answer...his girlfriend answers his phone? Then i'd be fucked." He chuckled sadly. "To be honest with all this talking...he's really getting my hopes up."

"Maybe you should stop?" Anna suggested.

"But I can't, I like his company..." Wow, that didn't sound pathetic at all. _Way to go, Castiel!_

"Tell him you found someone else...make him jealous." Anna giggled. "He's the jealous type, right?"

"Yeah, he his..but that wouldn't be right of me to do that. He didn't rub that girl in my face and I shouldn't do something like that to him to get back at him for leaving me."

"So? Just pretend! Act like you have someone and he'll be jealous."

"Anna.." Castiel sighed.

"Or just drown in your misery, fine by me!" She suggested, throwing her hands up in mock surrender.

"I'll figure something out, and if I don't i'll "pretend" like you suggested, but no guarantees!" He scolded. "I'm gonna go, it's getting late."

"Okay, call me with details. Love you, Castiel." She replied.

He hung up the phone and padded slowly to his bedroom, climbing in bed. He sighed as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

Another week had gone by and still no sign from Dean. Did he do something to him? Was Dean ignoring him? Oh my, God! It was that conversation they had a few weeks ago, when Cas said they weren't friends!

Dean was giving him the cold shoulder.

Atreyu jumped in his lap and nuzzled her face against Castiel's palm as he began to pet her. "Should I call him?" He asked his cat as he gently scratched behind her ears. "I don't want to bother him. What if he's busy? What if he's with Lisa?"

He contemplated his decision to call Dean for a good fifteen minutes at least, and then caved.

"Hey, Cas!" Dean answered enthusiastically. "I've been waiting for you to call, man. I thought you were avoiding me. So, what's up? How've you been?" He asked

Castiel couldn't help the chuckle that passed his lips. "You've been waiting for me to call?" He asked in total disbelief.

"Yeah, man. I haven't heard from you in almost a month!"

"...but you always call me....and I have this fear that Lisa will answer your phone if I call...so I wait for you to call me." He explained.

Dean laughed, "no, no, no. You don't have to worry about that Cas. My phone is glued to my hip at all times. You can call...text whenever you'd like."

"Dean, i'm not really sure that's a great idea.." He was cut off by someone laughing on Dean's end. It sounded like Sam. "Dean?" Cas asked in confusion, "are you at Sam's?" He asked.

"Yeah, i'm at Sammy's...just chillin." He chuckled. "Why is that not a good idea?" He asked, focusing on Castiel's question.

"Uh.. Lisa, maybe? Your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, so? What about her?"

"What if she knows you're talking to me? And texting me? I don't wanna ruin shit for you." He replied nervously.

"Cas! Man! Calm down...Lisa and Ben, they have no clue who you are...to them you're just another friend. When we started dating I didn't bring you up to her. It's cool she doesn't know who you are and what you mean to me." Dean explained, as he took a drink of something.

_What I mean to you? What?_

"So it's completely okay for me to call whenever?" Castiel asked.

"Or text." Dean added quickly.

" _And text._ Yeah. Right. Okay." Castiel all the sudden thought about what Anna had said. He kind of did want to make Dean a little, not a lot jealous. "Hey Dean, I uh, I gotta go.." He told him. He felt bad for lying to him. He never lied to Dean. "I have a date..." He lied.

"Oh yeah? With who?" Dean asked slyly.

"Uh..." Castiel searched his brain for a name. "Remember Luke's buddy, Shaun?" He asked.

"Luke's buddy, Shaun?" Dean repeated to himself, trying to recall the name. "Oh!" He said after a few seconds. "You mean the drunk douchebag that wouldn't stop hitting on you at Gabe's birthday party last year?"

"Yeah.." Cas replied slowly.

"Castiel...." Dean said disappointedly. "Really? Him? You're seeing that guy?" He asked sadly with a sigh.

Cas shrugged and nearly grinned at Dean's reaction. _I have a one way ticket to Hell. I'm a horrible person._ "He's cute, Dean." He beamed, stretching the lie a little further.

"Cas...no, man. He's a dickbag. You know that. And now you're all the sudden seeing him? After that? Really?" Dean said sounding offended.

Cas bit his lip hard to stifle a laugh. "It's just a movie Dean, we're not serious or anything."

"Okay." Dean said defensively. "I didn't know you went for assholes like him, but whatever floats it, man. Have fun." He said annoyingly.

Cas could hear Dean grind his teeth together in anger. Dean hated that guy. Oh god, did he hate that guy!

"I will." Castiel grinned deviously as he hung up the phone. _This is going to be fun._

* * *

Castiel curled up the couch in front of the TV for a few hours, watching The Avengers. He occupied himself for a little while before he called Dean back. He knew Dean would want details abo-

"Fuck!" Castiel exclaimed.

He grabbed his phone from the coffee table, he almost forgot to give Anna the details about this whole shenanigan.

**[Message to: Anna at 7:34PM]:** Dude! It worked!!

**[Message from: Anna at 7:37PM]:** It did?!?

His phone was ringing seconds later. Anna.

"What was his reaction? What'd he say? Was he pissed?" She asked excitedly.

Castiel laughed, "from the sound of it, he seemed pretty pissed. He got all defensive... I told him I was seeing Luke's friend Shaun.." Cas chuckled. "Dean doesn't like him very much, because he hit on me when we were together. The guy's a total douche."

"So what'd he say? What you tell him you were doing?" She asked.

Castiel sighed contently and laid back on the couch. "He was like "Cas...really? The guy's a dick" and I couldn't help but laugh a little."

"Oh my God, Cas!" She giggled. "How far do you wanna take this? Have you seen him in person since the grocery shopping incident happened?"

Cas shook his head. "Nope. I'm supposed to call him back after I get back from my date with Shaun." He explained making air quotes with his fingers. "He's starting to get jealous, what should I tell him if he asks?"

"If he asks just make shit up like...tell him the guy's not that much of a douche as you though he was." She paused for a moment. "And holy shit! Mention that he's a _really_ good kisser!" She insisted. "He'll be so mad!" He squealed.

Castiel's phone beeped. He pulled the phone away from his ear and glanced at the screen. "Shit, Anna! It's Dean! What do I do?" He quaked.

"Okay!" She said over loudly all of the commotion. "Okay! Just... let it go to voicemail. Call him after you get off the phone with me. That way he thinks you're still with this Shaun guy. Make up a lie when he answers..." She suggested.

"Okay." Cas agreed taking a deep breath. "He's gonna bitch at me.." Cas whispered after a few seconds.

"You'll be fine.." The older sibling giggled. "Hang up and call him back." She ordered.

"Okay."

"Call me with more details!"

"Okay!" Cas replied before hanging up.

* * *

Cas decided he'd wait a few minutes to call Dean after he hung up with Anna, but he fell asleep waiting. He looked at his phone with and groaned when the bright light bombarded his sleepy eyes. 10:15.

_It's late. Should I call him back? He's probably sleeping. Fuck it._

It rang twice before Dean answered. "Sorry I missed your call, I just got home." Was the first thing out of Cas' mouth.

"Jesus fuck! It's about Goddamn time! It's 10:30." Dean replied in a stern tone. "The guy didn't rape you or anything? Didn't try to kill you?" He asked, worriedly.

Castiel chuckled and shook his head, even though Dean couldn't see. "No Dean, he didn't. I actually had a really good time. He's not the douche you believe him to be." _Except he is. The guy is complete shit._ Dean's only response was a scoff. "And he's a _great_ kisser! Oh my, God, Dean!"

"Okay! Shut the fuck up!" Dean pleaded. "I don't wanna hear about this shit."

"Okay." Cas complied, respecting Dean's request. "But I did have a good time though, he's actually less than a dick than I thought he would be."

"So...I'm at Sam's again and Lisa's still at her seminar thing...you wanna come hang out for a little bit? Maybe tomorrow?" He asked. "Maybe? Unless you have plans with Prince Dickwad.." He added when Cas didn't respond right away.

Castiel hesitated for a second before answering. "I, uh- you know what? We were actually going out for breakfast tomorrow morning, but i'll be glad to stop by in the afternoon, hang out with you, Sam, and Jess." He said with a grin.

He heard Dean let out a frustrated groan, though it was muffled. He smiled wider. "Is there a problem? I could come later if-"

"N-no, Cas! No problem just, ah- noon. Noon is fine." Dean exhaled like he had been holding his breath.

"Okay." Cas nodded, making a mental note. "Noon it is, i'll try not to be late."

"Okay."

"See you tomorrow, Dean."

"See ya, Cas."

Cas snickered loudly when he hung up. This was getting to Dean and he had barely begun, whatever....this was. That's probably why he invited him over to Sam's. Sneaky little bastard.

Castiel kicked off his jeans and shed his button up, dropping it carelessly on the floor as he climbed into bed and situated himself. His phone vibrated violently on the night stand. He shimmied under the blankets and let his head hit the pillow before reaching for his phone. He was caught off guard by the bright lit screen, it made him wince.

**[Message from: Dean at 11:47PM]:** Is he good to you? What do you even see in him?

**[Message to: Dean at 11:50PM]:** Dean Samuel Winchester! You're not jealous are you?

**[Message from: Dean at 11:54PM]:** No. Just answer the question.

Cas could practically hear the amount of attitude and sass that was put into that text message.

**[Message to: Dean at 12:04AM]:** He's sweet. And handsome. Man he's got really great eyes too! Wow.

**[Message from: Dean at 12:07AM]:** Damn! Took you long enough! Well i'm glad you like him. I'm hittin the sack. G'night.

"He's fucking jealous!" Cas whispered loudly to himself before smiling and returning his phone to the night stand.

* * *

Castiel slept in until eleven something, only left with an hour to get ready before he had to be at Sam's. An hour was plenty enough time for him to take a shower then run to the store real quick.

Now showered and decently dressed Cas grabbed his phone and his keys and headed out the door. When he finished situating himself in the drivers seat he pulled out his phone and texted Dean.

**[Message to: Dean at 12:16PM]:** Should I pick something up before I come over?

He laid his phone in the center console and started the car. At a red light down the block his phone went off. He picked up and stole a glance at before focusing back on the road.

**[Message from: Dean at 12:20PM]:** You can if you want, but we have everything here, i bought a case earlier if that's what you're asking. I'll share with you :P hurry up!

Cas shook his head and scoffed. So no store, straight to Sam's.

A few minutes later he was in front of Sam's house. He smiled when he saw Dean's Impala across the street. He exited the Honda Civic and made his way to the front door. After knocking twice, Jess answered the door.

"Hey, Castiel!" She greeted enthusiastically with a bright smile as her blond curls bounced behind her.

Castiel chuckled as she moved aside to let him through the door. "Hey Jess," he returned the greeting as he stepped inside. "How've you been?"

"Good," she replied with a smile as she lead him to down the hallway. "How've you been? It's been quite awhile since I've seen you last.." She laughed.

Castiel nodded and chuckled, "yeah, it has been awhile." He pointed out then looked at her with a small smirk. "I've been good."

Jess was going on about how she's been working her ass off at the hospital when a soft gasp from Castiel cut her off. She followed his gaze and met with Dean.

There was Dean. In the flesh. Laughing at his brother and throwing back a beer.

With a slight nudge to Cas' arm, Jess leaned over toward him. "Go say hi.." She encouraged with a grin.

Cas cleared his throat nervously and looked at her wearily, then glanced back at Dean. He let out a shaky breath, smoothed his shirt, and ran a hand through his hair before walking the short distance across the room to the kitchen table where Dean was sitting. He pulled out the chair next to Dean without him noticing and slid into it. "Hey, Dean." He said gruffly with a smile.

Dean looked over, shocked by the look on his face. "H-hey, Cas." He replied shyly. "How's it goin', man?" He asked as he finished the beer he was drinking.

Cas smiled, "good, you?"

"Fantastic."

Sam slapped the table top before getting up, "well, I guess I can fire up the grill now that you're here, Cas." He explained as he grabbed the plate of hot dogs and raw hamburger patties off counter and rounded the kitchen table, squeezing Cas' shoulder before heading out on the patio.

Dean got up shortly after and headed to the fridge to get another beer. "You want one?" He asked as he turned to look at the other man.

Cas shrugged, "why not?"

Dean came back and took his seat at the table and handed one of the cans to Castiel. "So, how was your breakfast date this morning?" Dean asked with a grin.

Castiel's cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He nodded and cracked open his can of beer and took a quick drink before answering. "It-it was good."

"Date, huh?" Jess asked as she entered the kitchen. It caught Cas off guard, making him turn his head toward the feminine voice.

"Uh, yeah." He nodded once more with a smile.

"With whom?" She responded, stopping at the sink to wash her hands before she started cooking.

"His name is Steve-" Dean answered quickly. "And he's dreamy.." He finished with a dramatic roll of his eyes.

Cas nudged his arm and laughed. "It's Shaun- and you are right..he is dreamy." Cas stated before he winked lazily at the green eyed man.

Jess grinned, "that's good, Cas. I'm glad to hear that." It was quiet for a minute as Jess sipped her beer. "Let's hope he's not a train wreck like this guy." She joked as she pointed to Dean.

"Ha ha, very funny asshole." Dean shot back as he threw a balled up napkin in Jess' general direction, missing her completely.

"Missed me." She giggled.

"I've been drinking," he told her. "It impairs my vision."

"So how long have you been seeing him?" She asked, looking at Cas once more as she slide the try of asparagus in the oven.

"About a week or two.." Cas looked at Dean from the corner of his eye to watch his facial expressions as he talked about "the guy he was currently seeing" he could tell he was getting jealous, he had that glint in his eye. He kept glancing up at Jess to see if she had left the room yet so he could ask Cas about the guy.

Cas didn't drink much while he was at Sam's, but by the time everyone had finished eating, Dean was throwing back another beer. He had lost count on how many Dean had had since he'd been there.

"You like this guy?" Dean asked as his green eyes met blue ones. "Like, really like this guy?"

The sun was going down and the two of them were sitting on the porch. Cas was about to head home for the night. "Dean...we don't have to talk about this...we can talk about you," He suggested. "How're you?"

"Good." He replied quickly. "Is he good to you at least? He's not a-not a douchebag?"

Cas sighed, "yeah. He's good, I guess."

"Good." Dean smirked, it was painful to see Cas with someone else. Karma's a bitch, right?

* * *

Cas slept on the couch and quietly slipped out the next morning to go home. He had to feed Atreyu and he just wanted to go back to bed to be honest.

He woke again around 1:30 that afternoon, this time to a text message from Gabriel. He rolled his eyes as he read it.

**[Message from: Gabriel at 1:15PM]:** So a little birdy told me that you're currently seeing someone, then I'm told by an outside source that it's a lie. And this little birdy is very upset, but they don't know they're being lied too... This bird is also jealous, I might also add.

"Damn it, Anna!" Castiel shouted and heard it echo throughout his apartment.

**[Message to: Gabriel at 1:46PM]:** And this "outside source" wouldn't happen to go by the name Anna, would it? And please tell me the bird isn't Dean?!?

**[Message from: Gabriel at 1:52PM]:** Yes and yes. Why would you even think about doing that? You're going to hurt him bad, Cas!

**[Message to: Gabriel at 1:57PM]:** I'm jealous of Lisa, ok? I want him to be jealous of this mysterious guy that doesn't exist. And i'm not, i'm gonna tell him and it was ANNA'S idea in the first place!

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me right now!" Castiel groaned loudly with a roll of his eyes as he slammed his phone onto the mattress and shoved his face into the pillow.

He felt the weight of Atreyu on the mattress as she jumped on the bed and started to meow. He turned his head to look at her as he ran a hand over her head as he pet her. "What do you think? Should I tell Dean?" He asked as he continued petting her. "Maybe I can keep this to myself a little longer, yeah?" He rose from the bed and looked at his cat. "Let get you some food."

* * *

Castiel gave up on texting Gabriel two hours ago. It seemed like the only thing they talked about was this thing with Dean.

He didn't want to think about Dean or the fact that he had invited Castiel over to Sam's _while_ his _girlfriend_ was away on a trip with her sister.

He wasn't a homewrecker. He didn't sleep with Dean last night. Although with consuming copious amounts of alcohol, it sounded tempting and Castiel just wasn't the kind of person to ruin someone else's relationship. Especially when that someone is Dean Winchester.

If Dean said he was happy, then all the two of the will continue to be is friends, nothing more. Even though it hurt Cas to see Dean with someone else. He had to respect his wishes.

It did strike Castiel as odd how Dean always asked to hangout when Lisa wasn't around, but Dean mentioned she nor Ben knew about him and it was going to stay that way.

So when Dean called asking Cas to join him for lunch two days later,  he had to choose whether or not to go hang out with "Shaun" instead.

"C'mon, Cas...I haven't seen you since yesterday. Lisa's still outta town and it's just lunch...it's not hurting anything." Dean begged.

Cas sighed loudly and rubbed his temple, "Dean...what if she thinks something's up? Then what?"

Dean let out a frustrated sigh, "nothing, Cas! Nothing. She knows nothing. She doesn't know who you are or that we dated and I told you it was gonna stay that way. It is safe for us to hang out with each other, you know?" Dean reminded him.

"Did you even tell her that you swung both ways?" Cas asked defensively.

"I, uh, n- it-it must've slipped my mind at the time." Dean confessed with a nervous chuckle.

Castiel started to say something but held his tongue and sighed heavily instead, hesitating for a moment before he spoke. "You know? I'm gonna forget you just said that and ask you instead why you really called?" He asked with a smile on his face.

"I just wanna take you out to lunch is all, Cas. Please, just let me.." Dean pleaded.

  
Eventually after arguing back and forth for almost three minutes, Castiel caved and accepted Dean's offer.


	3. Someday Came Suddenly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am truly, terribly, unbelievably sorry for writing such terrible smut. my sister and i are not very good at writing it, so our sincerest apologies. Thought it's practically my fault entirely that i rushed her bc i wanted to get this fic finished. i am trash. at least try to enjoy the last chapter (:

Castiel still hadn't told Dean about this "Shaun" guy that he was pretending he was seeing. He just wanted to make Dean as jealous as possible, that way he'd *want* to take him back. Cas knew deep down that it was a fucking train wreck of an idea and it could potentially hurt Dean in unthinkable ways and he'd stop just as soon as he had Dean wrapped around his finger.

But he didn't know how soon that would be. So he set a date. Next Thursday. He'd tell Dean over drinks, that he broke it off with the guy. If Dean was up for it.

Right now Castiel was worried about his lunch date with Dean. He had told Cas over the phone that he had nothing to worry about because Lisa had been out of town and that she nor Ben knew about him anyway.

When they met at the diner, Cas looked worried. He searched around for Dean and spotted him in the back, sitting in a corner booth.

Dean's face lit up when Castiel approached the booth. He grinned and peered up at the other man, "hey, Cas! I was kind of worried you wouldn't show." He said.

Cas smiled, "i'm here," he said as he slid into the seat opposite of Dean. They looked at each other and Cas broke the awkward silence first. "Dean, why am I here?" He ordered softly with confused look on his face.

It looked to Cas like Dean was trying his damndest not to give him a frown. He masked it perfectly with a laugh instead. "You agreed to have lunch with me remember?"

"Yes," Cas replied with a short nod. "But why am I *really* here?" He asked. "It's not just because you want to have lunch with me. It's something else ain't it?"

Dean scoffed and shook his head in disbelief. "Am I that easy to read?" He asked. Cas gave him a faint smile. "Wow. I suck at this." He admitted as he blushed in embarrassment. After a few seconds of trying to compose himself he looked at Cas and nodded. "Yeah, it's something else."

"So tell me? Or are you gonna be stubborn like normal and not wanna talk about your feelings?"

Dean's mind ran rampant with so many questions. _Who was he? Is he good to you? Is he good looking? Does he like the same stuff you does? Can he stand you when you’re drunk?_  So many questions and Dean had no clue where to start. "I ,uh, are you guys serious?" He asked curiously.

"Hardly, I just met the guy. But I guess we could get to that point some time in the distant future." He joked.

A part of Cas felt bad for doing this to Dean because he didn't deserve this at all. He looked at Dean and he genuinely looked hurt by Castiel's fake relationship with a guy that didn't exist. But he chose to do this and he had to go through with his plan. Then he'd pray to whatever god there was that it'd work out and they'd get back together after this was over. He just hoped Dean didn't find out.

"Has he been to your place yet?" Dean asked.

Castiel looked up and studied Dean's face and for a minute, it looked as if he had been holding his breath, waiting for an answer.

Castiel hesitated briefly. "Y-yeah. Yeah, he has, though he says a loft's too big for one guy and a cat, but I make it work." Castiel laughed.

Dean smiled weakly and was about to tell Cas how happy he was, until his phone rang. Talk about saved by the bell! He answered it and Castiel waited patiently for him to finish.

"Hey, that was Kevin. He needs help with something, so i'm gonna go," he told Cas as he slipped the phone back into his pocket and slid from the booth. He pulls out his wallet and Cas looked at him.

"I got it." He said with a smile.

"You sure?" Dean asked as he shoved his wallet back into his pocket. Cas nodded. "Okay, cool... I'll call you later?"

"Yeah, okay."

And Dean was gone. Cas had stayed a while longer. He actually ordered lunch for himself and enjoyed it.

He knew it wasn't Friday but he had to call Anna and tell her what happened. He scrolled through his recent calls and found his sister and waited for an answer.

"Hello?" Her voice called from the other end of the line.

"Hey, sis!" Castiel greeted cheerfully.

"Hey Castiel!" He squeaked. "How's it going with Dean?" She asked, sparing Cas the bullshit.

"I, uh, that's, uh, actually why I called you.." He confessed. "To talk about Dean..."

"Oh no, what happened?" She asked worriedly, noticing the skepticism in his voice. "What'd you do to him? Did Gabriel rat on you?"

"No, no. But he did text me. He knows what i'm doing. What _we're_ doing. I have to stop..I just had lunch with Dean and he looked so upset. I think he faked a called with Jessica-- then he lied to me and told me it was Kevin, just to get out of having lunch with me. I can't lie to him much longer, Anna. I'm starting to feel bad for wanting to make him jealous. What if he finds out?" Castiel's stomach sank just thinking about how hurt Dean would be if he actually did find out about this.

"Calm down, he won't find out." She reassured him. "That's when you wait a week or so, then tell him that you and mystery man are having problems-- or that you caught him cheating... That's a good excuse." She suggested.

"I don't know how well this will pan out, i'm freaking out just at the *thought* of him finding out." Castiel gulped.

"Hey!" Anna protested quickly before he even had a chance to get out whatever it was he planned on saying next. "You wanted to do this and you're going through with it. No backing out. It's just a week or two longer. You can do it. Then you can rekindle or whatever."

"Fine." He sigh dramatically. Oh god! What if Jo knew about this? She talks to Dean on a daily basis. Cas was bound to slip Dean's mind once or twice in the past few days. Not to mention with the "fake boyfriend" making Dean jealous, he had to have told her about it. "Hey Anna?" He asked, sounding impatient.

"Hm?"

"Jo...." He said slowly. "Does she know about this? About any of this?" He finished.

"Hmm..." She hummed taking a few seconds to respond. "Not that I know of. If she did, she would've said something to me. We talk about you two a lot."

Cas nodded. That was good. He guessed. "So tell me what to do. He said he'd call me when he left the diner earlier."

"Ok, I don't know how you'll feel about this idea but, I was thinking maybe ignore his calls and texts for a few days....that way when he asks why you haven't returned any of his messages, you can tell him you and what's-his-face have been arguing and shit."

"And when am I supposed to carry out this ridiculous plan of yours?" Castiel asked with a joking tone and a roll of his eyes.

"Whenever he calls you next..." Anna clarifies.

"O-oh!" Cas said, eyes wide. "I didn't think you meant tonight..." He kind of sounded disappointed.

"Well, duh? When else would you have done it?" She asked.

"Uh, _tomorrow? Saturday?"_  He replied.

"Well, i'm here to help you get shit done...and this is the only way."

* * *

 

So when Dean called, Cas didn't answer anyway because he had already fallen asleep. When Dean texted him, he ignored them. No matter how tempting they were to answer. Dean had invited him out for drinks and Cas wanted nothing more than to tag along, but he stuck to the plan.

By the third day his phone hadn't rung once. He only assumed Dean had given up. He waited a few more hours and texted him out of the blue.

**[Message to: Dean at 5:52PM]:** Hey :)

**[Message from: Dean at 5:58PM]:** Hey, man. Where the hell have you been?? I've been blowing up your phone for the past couple of days

**[Message to: Dean at 6:05PM]:** Ha sorry about that, Me and Shaun got into this huge fight the other day. I turned my phone off cause he's blowing it up as well and i don't wanna fucking talk to him.

**[Message from: Dean at 6:08PM]:** Oh shit! That sounds rough. I'm sorry about that i'm always here if you wanna talk or something.

**[Message to: Dean at 6:14PM]:** Thanks. You free tomorrow? You wanna grab some coffee or something? I got all your calls and texts when I turned my phone on and I wanna make up for missing the bar the other night, i feel bad for not going with you

**[Message from: Dean at 6:16PM]:** Yeah, sounds great. Aimee's, 4ish?

**[Message to: Dean at 6:23PM]:** Sounds great! See you then

That went better than expected. Cas smiled contently to himself as he lay his phone beside him on the coffee table. This plan was working and he couldn't be happier.

Atreyu jumped on the couch and took her usual place under Cas' feet that were currently propped up by the arm of the couch. He looked down at her and listened to her pur. "What do you think, Atreyu? Is this a good idea? Do you think he'll find out?" Atreyu continued to purr and he dropped his head down to the couch with a thud and exhaled deeply.

Cas thought about picking up his phone and calling Dean out of sheer boredom and Dean had said that he could talk to him about anything, but Castiel refrained in doing so. He was never one to initiate a conversation. Even if it was Dean. He still felt weird about this friendship with him and as much as he wanted to make this work, his thoughts kept backtracking on Lisa and Ben not knowing who he really was to Dean. If he were to run into Lisa and Dean _again_ , he didn't want to find out what Dean would introduce him as. _Hey Lisa, this is Cas--my ex boyfriend I dated for a few years before I met you. But you don't know that because I left that minor detail out when we started dating, so i'm just going to introduce him to you as "just a friend" and hope you don't know any different._  Cas could see it now, the awkwardness in all its glory. It made him shudder.

When Cas got off work the next day he texted Dean to see if he was still up for that coffee. Then he headed home to put on a fresh change of clothes.

Around 3:45 Castiel started toward the coffee shop, it was a block from the loft so why not walk? It's quicker.

As soon as he got there, he found Dean sitting in the back at one of the round tables. He smiled as Castiel approached him. "He's alive!" He joked.

Castiel chuckled and went up to the counter and ordered a cup of coffee. Black. Then took a seat across from Dean.

"Now be honest,"Dean started. "Was this fight with your boyfriend *so severe*, that you couldn't pick up the phone for three days?" He asked in half seriousness.

"Ugh! Yes!" Castiel groaned in response. "He wants me to meet his parents," he continued with a dramatic roll of his eyes. "I told him no, and he got all pissy. Then he insists on making a big deal out of it like, we've only been dating for a few weeks, and that's something you would do after a few months, am I right?" Dean nodded and sipped his coffee. "I mean I don't fucking love the guy, Jesus. It's not like we were gonna be together long anyways.." He said.

Dean could help the stupid grin that spread across his face followed by a small stifled laugh.

Cas narrowed his eyes and cocked his head a little. "What part of that was funny?" He scoffed.

Dean swallowed the coffee in his mouth and chuckled before answering, "nothing," he said with a shake of his head. "That just got me thinking about the first time I brought you home to meet Mary and John." He chimed. “You remember that?"

Castiel felt a blush heat his cheeks and spread throughout his entire face. "Oh God, how could I forget?" He asked covering his face in embarrassment. "I ruined my favorite Christmas sweater..."

Dean scoffed loudly. "Whatever! That sweater was fucking tacky. Jesus Christ! I can't believe Gabriel and Anna  let you step foot out of the house in that thing." Dean said in disbelief.

"Hey, I liked it! My nana got it for me." He retorted.

"And suddenly that makes it all okay?" Dean asked with a grin, shaking his head. "Oh God," he exhaled deeply rubbing his eyes. "It lit up. There were bells and shit all over it."

Castiel rolled his eyes and watched Dean. He missed this, missed Dean most of all. How things used to be. He was so comfortable with him. Oh how he wished for all of that again. He was slowly getting there, hopefully.

"What did I even spill on it? I can't remember..." Castiel replied.

Dean took a much needed deep breath before searching his thoughts. "Hot cocoa!" He laughed. "It was cocoa...and come to think of it, I think it was all my fault, too. I got up to go to the kitchen and you had your legs out and I tripped. It went all down the front of you, 'cause I remember you screamed 'cause it was really fucking hot." He laughed again. "But you didn't care about getting third degree burns. All you cared about was that your poor sweater short circuited."

Castiel nodded laughed in unison with Dean, "yep. I think I have a scar from it too."

As soon as their laughter died out things got a little more serious. "Man," Dean said. "You know my mom still asks about you?" Dean beamed.

That made Castiel's heart sink to his feet. He loved Mary. She was one of the most kindest, most sweetest women he had ever come to know in his life. He felt a lump swell in his throat. "Yeah?" He asked, trying to swallow it down. "How is she? I miss her.." He asked, genuinely concerned on how she had been the past few years.

"She, uh, she--she's good. She still works at the bakery. Bakes me a damn pie every week! I swear she's trying to make me fat."

_Bullshit._

"That's good." He said through a laugh, trying to mask the fact that he's about to cry. "And that's not true. You're a bottomless pit and you still look damn good."

Dean blushed a little and bat his eyes at Cas. " _Castiel James Novak_... Are you hitting on me?" Dean asked jokingly.

"I, uh..." Cas stammered. "I-I--no! No! Absolutely not. I would never hit on someone in a relationship." He said.

_Liar._

"Mhmm..." Dean hummed and eyed Cas suspiciously with a grin. "Sure.."

"Seriously, I would never." He said quickly, defending himself. *Unless that someone is you, Dean Winchester.*

**[Message from: Anna at 4:27PM]:** How's it going?

**[Message to: Anna at 4:30PM]:** Good. We're out for coffee.

Dean looked over at him. "Why do you look so annoyed? Is that him?"

Castiel sighed heavily. "Yes." He lied. "He wants to talk."

"Oh," Dean muttered, eyes falling falling from Cas' face to the table almost as if he were upset with something. "I can let you go..." He suggested. "If you wanna.."

"No!" Cas replied with wide eyes. He slid to the edge of his seat, ready to stop Dean from walking out of the coffee shop. "I'll deal with him later. I haven't talked to you for days." He added.

"Can I be brutally honest for a minute?" Dean asked.

"Sure, go ahead." Castiel said before he held his breath in anticipation.

"I don't see why you're with him... I mean the guy's a fucking douche. Was in highschool, still is now. I mean, c'mon man, what do you see in him? Seriously? I probably love you more than-- no! I _know_ I fucking love you more that that asshat does."

Castiel froze and stared at Dean with wide eyes. "What did you just say?"

"I said 'I loved you more than he does'. Fuck, I treated you better, _fucked_ you better. I was so good to you. While this pussy is whining because you don't want to meet his fucking parents, _Jesus_ , Cas! You can do so much better than that fuck stick." He explained.

Castiel zoned out. He stopped listening after 'I was so good to you' because his heart was hammering loudly against his ribcage. He was just trying to wrap his head around the fact that Dean was actually saying this. Dean was fucking jealous. He could hear it in his voice.

"Cas, are you listening to me?" Dean asked. "Cas?" He said again, shaking his arm gently to get his attention.

"Hm? What?" Cas asked, shaking his head and bringing himself back to reality.

"Dude, where did you go? Did you hear a thing I just said?"

"Yeah, yeah, sorry. I spaced for a second." Cas admitted. "Say that again?"

Dean chuckled. "You just said you were listening. I said 'do you wanna get dinner with me tomorrow night'?" Dean repeated himself.

"Sure, yeah. That sounds great." Cas smiled.

"Awesome, six o'clock okay?" Dean asked.

"Absolutely."

* * *

 

"He is fucking jealous! He's fucking jealous, Anna." Cas said right away when his sister picked up on the other end.

"Okay, chill! What happened?" She asked curiously.

Castiel took a breath before continuing. "I told him some bullshit lie about how "my boyfriend" wanted me to meet his parents and he got so worked up and he just started going off. Then I zoned out because he said he loved me more than my fake boyfriend does, and that he treated me better than my fake boyfriend and now we're going out to dinner tomorrow night." Castiel finally finished and inhaled deeply.

"Oh wow, that's great.."

"But I almost started crying because we got on this tangent about his parents then my ugly Christmas sweater came up. Then I asked about his mom and he said that she talks about me a lot, and I just miss her."

"Aww, well get back together and missing her will be the least of your problems." She explained. The line went quiet for a few second, "I have to go," she finally says. "Oh! Gabriel wants deets on this, too, so call or text him. Love you, bye."

He was getting ready to say goodbye to her when he heard a dial tone. He pulled the phone away from his ear looking confused. "Bye." He said to himself as he laid the phone on the coffee table.

He somehow drifted off while watching Dexter, because when he opened his eyes it was dark outside. He grabbed the remote and turned the tv off as well as the Playstation and slowly made his way to the bedroom.

He pulled off his socks and unbuttoned his jeans, wiggling out of them, he lost his balance but the bed broke his fall. He didn't even bother taking off his shirt. He was half asleep so he didn't even care. He crawled up the bed and collapsed, his head hitting the pillow with a soft thud.

Since Cas hadn't laid out something nice to wear to dinner he headed straight home after work and threw something together. A pair of black slacks with a purple button down shirt. He had time for a quick shower before Dean showed up.

Just as he slid into his boxers, there was a knock on the door. "Dammit! He's early." Cas cursed loudly as he jogged to the door.

He pulled it open and there stood Dean.

Dean took a look at Cas and blushed as he took in his current appearance. Dean's eyes scanning across his abs he didn't know Cas had, or the lean muscles either.  "Uh, Cas... Y-you-you look good and all, but where we're going requires pants." He stuttered in embarrassment.

"Well," Cas said as he headed toward the bedroom, hoping Dean would follow behind. "I was in the middle of getting dressed when *someone* decided that he'd show up early." He joked. Cas picked up his slacks and was just about to put them on when he noticed something at Dean's side. "What's that?"

"Oh!" Dean chimed in realization holding out his hand. "Flowers." Cas glanced between them and Dean. "I, uh, Jo said that Anna said that you broke up with Shaun. So I thought i'd lift your spirit a little..." He said sheepishly as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Cas reached for them and turned swiftly on his heels and walked toward the kitchen to find a vase to put them. "Thank you." He said looking up at Dean. Boy, was he thankful Anna did that. He didn't want to spend the night complaining about his (now ex) fake boyfriend.

Dean stood behind him at the edge of the bar, glancing up and down at his back side, admiring the way his slim-fit boxer briefs hugged his ass. He trailed down to his toned thighs imagining how they'd look wrapped around his wai--

"Dean?" Cas called snapping his fingers in front of his face.

"Yeah?"

"Did you call to reserve a table?" Cas asked.

"Uh," he said, as his eyes darted around the room. "Shit! I forgot! I was going to call earlier before I left work. Fuck." He said, dropping his head in his hands. "Fuck, i'm sorry, dude."

"Hey, hey," Cas cooed as he placed a hand on Dean's shoulder. "It's okay, I didn't really feel like going out in the first place. How about we just order in? Lay on the couch and watch Netflix? How's that sound?" He asked grinning at Dean.

"Oh," Dean scoffed. "So you didn't want to go out anyway... You coulda just called and canceled. I wouldn't have cared."

"No, no! That's not what I meant. I just didn't want to go somewhere fancy. But we'll just get chinese if you're up for it?" Cas suggested.

"Of course, only if you want." Dean agreed.

"Sure," Cas ran to get his phone off the nightstand, them ran back to Dean. "There's a Panda and Plum menu on the fridge, i'm gonna hang these clothes up and throw something on real quick." Castiel announced from the other room.

Dean frowned. He kept Cas out of his clothes for as long as possible with out managing to get caught.

Cas came back within a few minutes and Dean was already on the phone. "What do you want? Just get our usual?" Dean asked in a whisper, holding the phone away from his face.

The other man nodded and walked toward the couch. He stopped abruptly and froze in place. Did he just say 'our usual'? He shook his head and plopped down on the couch. Dean hung up the phone and joined Castiel on the couch. "It's a forty-five minute wait. Delivery was ten dollars extra, so i'm just gonna pick it up myself."

"I'll pick it up." Cas offered. "You can pick a movie while i'm gone." Cas suggested as he walked out the door.

Castiel fished his keys from his pocket with one hand, gripping the bag of food in the other. He slid the key into the lock and listened as the latch clicked, then nudged the door open with his foot.   
  
He heard stifled moans as he walked in and rounded the corner to the kitchen. Surely Dean wasn't getting off on his couch, that's insane!  
  
"Hmm! What?" Dean sat up, pulling his hand out of his boxers. He looked to his left and saw Cas in the kitchen area. "Cas!" Dean seemed startled.  
  
"Did I scare you?" Cas asked with a chuckle as he pulled the containers out of the bag and placed them on the counter.  
  
"Y-yeah," Dean replied with a nod, gulping harshly in the process with made him wince. He cursed under his breath and looked down at his fully hard cock tenting the cotton fabric of his boxers. He was just about to come before Cas walked in. He was always horrible with timing.  
  
"Come get your plate." Cas said.  
  
Dean almost laughed. *Pun intended*, he thought. "I, uh, can't..." He said looking back at the dark haired man. "I spilled water on my pants, i'm half naked." He lied.

  
"Dean." Cas deadpanned. "You're acting like I haven't seen you naked before..."  
  
"I know you have, but I don't wanna make things awkward."

"Alright." Cas gave in. He finished making them both a plate and walked over to the couch to sit down. I hope yo--" Cas' eyes scanned over Dean's as he held one of the plates out to him.

_Shit, i've been made. Fucking great. Now he's gonna tell me to leave._

"Uh, Dean?" Cas' wide eyes stayed locked on Dean's tented boxers.

"Yeah?" Dean whispered.

"Tell me you weren't beating off on my couch while I was gone.."

"I--" Dean choked. "I wasn't beating off on your couch while you were gone.... It-it was more like a light stroking." He admitted quietly through a stutter.

Cas shook his head and buried his face in his hands. "Oh, my God, Dean." Cas breathed as he sat back with his plate.

"I was *so* close! If you had been a few seconds later I would've been in the bathroom cleaning jizz off myself. You know i'm bad with timing..."

"Just... Eat. I'll deal with you when i'm done, at least tell me you found a fucking movie, asshole?" Cas sighed.

"No, I--"

"Ah!" Cas blurted out with his hand in Dean's face to get him to shut up. "Eat." He ordered with a mouth full of lo mein, pointing at Dean's plate. He listened and grabbed his plate.

After a few minutes of searching through titles, Cas settled on Pain and Gain. They watched it until they had both finished eating. Then Castiel noticed Dean started shifting uncomfortably in the seat next to him.

With a devious grin, he leaned over toward Dean and ran his index finger down his chest. "What's the matter, big guy? Upset you can't finish what you started?" Cas growled close to his ear.

Dean whined as Castiel's hot breath tickled the shell of his ear. "You son of a bitch.." Dean pouted as his cock twitched at the thought of getting to come.

Cas just hummed contently and smiled. "Why don't you tell me why you were so desperate, that you thought you had to get off on my couch, hm?" He suggested in a soft whisper.

"I wanna fuck you..." Dean said as he let all the air out of his lungs. "You were half naked earlier so I added it to my spank bank..." He confessed a little too proudly.

Castiel nodded, seeming impressed. " _You_ , sir...have a girlfriend..." He reminded him as he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside.

"I know," Dean replied in a mumble.

Cas palmed his clothed cock and looked at Dean, who whined softly at the sight. "Tell me what you were thinking about when you almost came, before I so _rudely_ interrupted your alone time."

Dean swallowed hard. "I-I, you were, uh, opening yourself up." Dean said clearing his throat.

"Yeah? How many fingers was I using?" Cas asked as he slipped his hand inside the waistband of his boxers to grip his dick and give it a few slow strokes.

Dean watched as Cas did so, he started to reach for his own dick but Cas swatted his hand away, "uh huh." He laughed. "Tell me how many fingers."

"Uh, th-three."

Cas stood and pulled off his sweats and boxers in one swift movement, then held up his hand. "I can fit three in, don't you think?" He asked looking at the flustered man.

"Yeah.."

"You remember where I keep the lube?" Dean nodded fervently. "Go get it for me." Cas ordered softly.

Dean stood up and walked quickly to the bedroom. He pulled out the drawer of the nightstand and dug blindly for the lube. When he found it, he headed back to the living room and sank down on the couch with Castiel, handing him the lube.

He immediately popped the cap and coated his fingers with it as he reached behind himself and inched his finger inside himself slowly with a soft moan.

Dean whimpered as he did so and bit his lip, "oh, my God, Cas." Dean grabbed the base of his cock to keep from coming to quickly.

Cas moaned when he felt his own tightness around his finger. "I--" he gasped looking at Dean. "Haven't done this, mm... In a while." Cas clarified, catching his breath. "I'm so tight." He finished and added a second finger with a small moan.

"Shit, Cas... You and Shaun never fucked?" He asked, still watching Cas' fingers.

Cas twisted his wrist a few times and whined before answering. "No," He panted before dropping his head to the arm of the couch. "I was never...ah!...that into him anyway."

"Hurry up and get another finger in there, man!" Dean huffed impatiently. "I want you so bad." It came out as more of a whine than he intended.

Cas did as instructed and slowly worked a third finger into his body. He gasped when he felt his thick digits stretch himself open. He flashed a toothy smile up at Dean with a shake of his head. "Always so fucking impatient, Winchester." With the last few snaps of his wrist he made certain to steer clear of his prostate on purpose, wanting Dean to hit that sweet spot inside of him. He looked up and tossed the bottle of lube over at Dean.

Castiel moaned wantonly as he pulled his fingers out and watched as Dean slicked up his cock. Castiel leaned over and kissed him hungrily, then straddled his hips.

He grabbed Dean's cock to hold it steady as he guided it into himself. He whimpered as he pushed passed the tight ring of muscle. Watching as Dean's head fell to the back of the couch with a groan.

Dean gripped his hips tight enough that if he let go he'd leave fingerprints against Castiel's pale skin. "God Cas," Dean bit his lip to stifle a groan. "I forgot how tight you were." He exhaled through clenched teeth as Cas adjusted around his girth before he started slowly rolling his hips.

Dean's head remained on the back of the couch as he watched with hooded eyes as Castiel's picked up the pace a little.

"I know--" Cas panted and swallowed to catch his breath as he slid off Dean almost all the way just to slam back down to impale himself repeatedly. He bit his lip so hard he thought he drew blood just then as he shifted a little in Dean's lap, hoisting a leg over his shoulder pushing Dean's dick deeper into his body.

"You feel good, baby?" Dean asked looking up at the other man as he ran his hand through his dark hair, pushing it back out of his face.

Cas just nodded and whined deep in his throat, afraid to break eye contact with Dean.

"Yeah?" Dean reached up and rolled Castiel's pink swollen numbs between his fingers. Making Cas fuck down onto his cock harder. "You sound like you haven't been fucked in awhile. You miss riding this cock? Miss being fucked into at night?" Dean asked.

His questions only made Castiel take him harder. His ass clapped loudly against Dean's thighs as he bounced up and down so hard and fast he thought he could feel Dean in his stomach. His hips rotating in circles as the tip of his dick nudged against Dean's stomach with every rock of his hips. "Missed it so much Dean..." He practically whined. "So much." He trailed off.

Dean grabbed Castiel's hips and fucked up into him relentlessly at his confession. Cas gasped for air with every thrust. He gripped Dean's shoulders tightly and Dean took him over the edge not even a minute later. Cas came, untouched Dean followed, not far behind, spilling inside him with a shout as he fucked into the tightness that surrounded him.

"So good for me, Cas." He murmured softly against a dark head of hair. He pressed a kiss to Castiel's head, before letting his fall to the back of the couch with a small thud.

Cas rested boneless against Dean's chest. Face buried in the nape of his neck, mumbling sleepily.

Cas looked up at him, "what does this mean?" He asked.

Dean just shook his head, "let's not worry about that now." Cas slid off Dean's softening dick with a moan and rolled over on the cushion next to him.

"All that jizz is gonna leak onto your couch, man. Let's go clean up. Then we'll finish this movie." Dean suggested, already on his feet and holding a hand out for the other man.

"Ok." Cas said taking his hand, letting himself be guided to the bathroom.

* * *

 

"Anna!" Cas hissed into the phone. "He's in my fucking bed!" He tried to keep his voice down as much as possible to keep from waking Dean. "Naked!" He added.

"I thought that's what you want?" She asked sounding confused.

"Yeah, but not when he has a fucking girlfriend! This is so bad.." His voice trembled with fear as he paced back and forth in the small bathroom. "What am I gonna do?" He asked. "What if she asks him where he's been? What if she leaves him? Oh, my god, Anna!" He whined pitifully. "Anna, i'm a goddamn homewrecker."

"Cas." She said.

He was rambling out of nervousness. "--and she's gonna throw him out and he'll have nowhere to go. Oh, my god, i'm a horrible fucking person. What if she finds out he cheated on her with another man? Oh god!"

"Castiel!"

"What?" That shook him out of his thoughts.

"Okay, Dean told you that she doesn't know who you are, right?" She asked trying to calm his nerves.

"Yeah." He replied.

"Alright. Then you don't have anything to worry about." She told him.

"Yeah, but she had to have noticed that he didn't fucking come home last night." He  was panicking again.

"Relax, he'll probably just tell her he was at Sam's and got too drunk, so he stayed the night."

"No Anna, what if she doesn't believe it? Oh, my god I feel so bad. About about Dean?" He asked worriedly clutching his chest.

"Okay, just-- calm down. Take a deep breath." He followed her directions and inhaled through his nose and exhaled from his mouth. "Okay, you are going to climb back in bed, go back to sleep, make coffee, whatever. You're not going to worry about this. When Dean gets up, he'll probably have a plan. So just don't worry about it, he'll handle everything."

"Okay." Cas said softly.

He hung up with his sister and took a few more deep breaths before going back to bed with Dean.

Going back to bed with Dean.

With Dean.

Dean was in his bed.

_That's weird to--no! Stop! You're not gonna think about this. Take Anna's advice and let him handle this. Go back to bed._

And he did.

When the two of them woke a few hours later, the question was on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to ask. Because he had been eyeing Dean all morning and he didn't seem bothered that he had sex with his ex and slept in his bed. He looked totally content as he leaned against the counter sipping his coffee.

"Cas?" Dean looked at him as he brought his mug to his lips. "Cas, I know that look. That's your 'I fucked up and I don't know how to fix it look'. What's up?" He asked stepping toward the bartop separating the kitchen and the living room. "Talk to me."

"What are--" he dropped his hands to the bar. "How are you completely unphased by all of this?" He asked. "You slept with your ex--your ex who also happens to be a guy, while you have a girlfriend of almost a year and a half... And you're just completely fine the following morning?"

Dean scoffed. "Cas, man. Take a breathe. I told you, Lisa nor Ben know nothing about you. Absolutely nothing, I promise you. And as for the sleeping with you part, i'll just tell her I crashed at Sam's or some bullshit." He shrugged.

"Dean..."

"You don't worry about any of this, okay? This is my fault. I'm gonna fix this. You just do you." He explained. "It's not that big of a deal, Cas, really."

"Dean, you love her..." He whispered brokenly. He swallowed harshly around the lump in his throat.

"Maybe I love you more, Cas." His gaze met Castiel's and his eyes just locked with his for a second.

Cas was speechless, "no," he replied, shaking his head. "No. No. No." He just kept shaking his head as tears fell down his cheeks. "You can't do that. I'm not gonna let you do that to her, Dean." He ordered through sniffles.

"Why not? Why can't I do that? Tell me!" He asked.

Cas just cried silently without giving him an answer.

"Well?" Dean asked.

"Because." Cas answered quickly jumping up from his seat. He somehow was in the middle of the living room floor now. "Because you told me that you were happy with her and I shouldn't take that away from you."

"Why are you on her side?"

"I'm not on her fucking side, Dean! I'm on your side. I want to see you happy. I don't care about her in the slightest. What I do care about, is you. And if Lisa makes you happy then that's fine by me." Cas explained as tears fell freely down his flushed cheeks.

"Are you even listening to yourself, Cas?" Dean asked, making his way toward the man. "I didn't know that we were gonna end up sleeping together, I sure the fuck didn't plan on getting off on your couch. But you know what? Maybe it took us sleeping together, for me to fucking realize that I never stopped loving you. And that all those times you would talk about that Shaun guy, it really pissed me off and wished every time that it was me taking you out. Every time."

Cas just stood in the middle of the room listening to Dean and he wondered if he could hear the things he was saying.

"All the times you'd call me after one of your dates and tell me about what you two did together on your night out and more often than not i'd picture his hands all over you just before you'd call and it'd made me sick to my stomach. Because I couldn't, Cas. I couldn't picture you with anyone else that's not me."

Cas was sobbing now. He had taken this entire thing too far. He really had underestimated just how jealous Dean had gotten over this guy that didn't exist. Castiel felt horrible for it. Karma was a bitch and it was coming back around to bite him in the ass.

"Maybe I wanted that; sex with you last night, on your couch. Maybe I still want you. But you'll never know because you don't want me to hurt Lisa. You know what, why don't you ever worry about your fucking self for once? Focus on what you want instead of focusing on everyone else?" He asked inching closer and closer to Cas as he ranted about their relationship. "What do you want, Cas?" He caressed Cas' cheek as he spoke in a much softer tone. "Tell me what you want." Dean ordered.

"I want you." He answered quickly with no hesitation.

"You have me." He smiled and pressed his forehead to Cas'.

"No," Cas scoffed softly and shook his head. "She does." He admitted.

"Ask for something else."

"Leave her..." Castiel whispered, his breath ghosting over the shell of Dean's ear making a shiver run through his entire body.

Dean looked at him and nodded. "It may take a week or two to move all my shit out. I gotta tell Sam too. So give me some time." He said, resting his head on Cas' shoulder.

* * *

 

"Dude, i'm all for having Cas in your life again. But you can't just leave Lisa like that, man. You have to tell her." Sam explained, sitting at his kitchen table.

Dean thought he'd stop by and explain his genius escape plan to Sam a week later. Thank God Sam was home because Dean didn't want to explain why Castiel was hanging around him all the sudden.

"And how do you suggest I do that, Sam?" It came out more sarcastic than he had wanted. "She doesn't know about him. Hell! She doesn't even know I swing both ways."

"You're keeping secrets, Dean. You need to tell her. It's not healthy."

"So what? What she don't won't hurt her. I've gotten this far with my secrets. It's fine. I'll just pack my shit and get out before she gets home. Change my number, avoid her. It'll be easy." Dean explained.

"She's going to want a reason." Sam stated.

"Doesn't need one." Dean shrugged.

Sam laughed. "She deserves some kind of explanation, Dean."

"Sam--" Dean cut him off. "I didn't drop by for a lecture on my love life. I just wanted to tell you that i'm leaving her for Cas because i'm still in love with him."

Sam sighed heavily and pursed his lips and shook his head. "Alright."

Sam didn't think it was a very good idea, but Dean's relationships with Lisa and Cas was none of his business. If Dean wanted to just walk out on her, Sam couldn't do anything about it.

"But does it really only take one time to fuck an ex to figure out you're still in love with them, Dean?" Sam sighed.

"Yeah, Sam. But it's not just that. Cas and I, we've been talking for months. We've went out for lunch multiple times and we reminisce a lot and when he was with his ex I was so jealous that he was dating someone else." Dean looked at him for a few seconds, studying his expression. "I. Love. Him. Sam."

"Alright." Sam sighed in defeated, dropping his hands on the table. "Do what you gotta do, Dean. It's not my place to tell you what you should do."

Dean grunted as he stood up from the table and sighed. "Okay, well i'm going home to pack my shit before she gets home."

* * *

 

Dean grabbed some totes from the attic and just started throwing his shit into them.

He mostly had just clothes, his computer and a few books. She can keep the rest of his shit.

He ransacked the kitchen to find his favorite coffee mug after he found that he moved on to the living room and took all of his movies off the shelf beside the TV.

He carried the totes out to the Impala and loaded them in the trunk after he finished he closed the trunk and stepped in the house once more trying to figure out if he had everything that belonged to him.

He fished his keys from his pocket and took the house key off the keyring and laid it in the table by the door. Lisa would see it when she walked in.

He knows for a fact that he'll get a call from her when she gets home, asking for an explanation. He's been racking his brain for a believable lie ever since he walked in the door.

He scratched his head. "I can't lie." He muttered to himself. He sighed and just walked out the door, making sure to lock it as he left.

When Dean got to Cas' apartment building he sat in the drivers seat and pulled his phone out and dialed Cas' number.

It rang twice. "Yeah?" Came Castiel's voice.

"Please tell me you're home right now." Dean blurted out worriedly.

"Uh, no." He lied. "Why? What's up?"

"I'm sitting in the parking lot outside your apartment." Dean sighed.

Castiel grinned and ran from his bedroom to the living room and looked out of the huge window overlooking the parking lot. "Sorry, babe. I'm across town." He grinned trying to stifle a laugh.

"What are you laughing at?" Dean grumbled.

"You look really good in red." Castiel complimented.

Dean looked down and glanced at his red shirt. "How did yo--" he cut off as he looked up seeing Cas standing in the window. "You sack of shit!" Dean joked as he climbed from the car. "I'm coming up." He said before ending the call abruptly.

Four minutes later Cas was running across the floor to answer the door. Dean was standing in front of him, carry two totes at once, one stack on top of the other. Cas rolled his eyes. "Please tell you you didn't take the stairs carrying that." He whined.

"I took the elevator! Are you kidding me?" Dean stepped inside and sat the totes by the kitchen counter before he exited into the hallway.

"Need help?"

"Nope." Dean's reply echoed down the hallway as he reached the elevator.

Castiel cast his gaze to the stacked totes as he turned around. Should he start putting Dean's things away? Maybe he should wait.

Dean pushed the door open with his boot and entered upon seeing Cas staring intently at the totes.

Dean shot him a confused look and sat the tote in his hands on the other ones. "Cas?" He cocked his head to the left to meet blue eyes.

When he received no answer he snapped his fingers, once, twice. "Cas? Hey!" He called again.

"This doesn't feel right." Cas muttered sadly, still tranced.

"What doesn't feel right?"

"This. Us." He answered flatly. "I don't want her to get hurt..."

Dean placed his hands on both of Castiel's shoulders and pulled him out of this thoughts. "Hey, no one's getting hurt, okay? I just left the key and walked out." He reassured.

"She'll want an explanation, Dean."

"So, i'll lie. Bullshit my way through it." He shrugged.

"No, she deserves the truth, not some lie you pulled out of your ass. You packed your shit and walked out. You owe her this at least."

Dean sighed, "okay, fine. When she calls. Which will probably be here pretty soon."

* * *

 

It happened when Dean left to pick up something for dinner and he just *happened* to leave his phone behind on the counter in the kitchen.

It startled Castiel because he thought that Dean might've grabbed it before he ran out the door. He was wrong.

His heart hammered in his chest as he slowly rose from the couch and made his way to the kitchen in fear that it might be Lisa calling.

Surprise!

His mouth went completely dry as he stared in fear at the screen. He swallowed and picked the phone up and looked at her contact picture before taking a deep breath and sliding his finger across the screen to unlock it.

"Hello?" He answered hesitantly trying not the let his voice waver.

"Hey, where'd you go? You left your key on the table by the door."

"Uh," Cas gaped trying to figure out a believable lie. "He, uh, we're at the airport." He blurted out nervously.

"Uh, o-kay." Lisa answered in confusion. " _We_  as in Dean and whom? Who is this? Why do you have Dean's phone? Why're you at the airport?" More confusion.

"This-t-this is Castiel." He stuttered. "He's in the restroom, e-emergency flight to California." He explained trying to hide the tremor in his voice.

"He's at the airport? Aaand didn't even think to tell me?" She asked accusingly.

Just then the door swung open. "Hey, Cas I got--" he stopped mid sentence as he turned to find Cas, phone in his hand.

Cas lowered the phone from his ear and pressed it against his shoulder. "Thank god!" He hissed quietly in relief. He didn't think he'd ever be this happy to see Dean in his life. "Lisa's on the phone!" He whispered in a panic. "I-I-I told her you were in the bathroom and that we we're at-at the airport going to Cali." He rushed.

"Cas, what the fuck!" Dean hissed. He sat the bags on the counter and grabbed the phone. So, airport with Cas, emergency flight to Cali. Cas started this lie and he was just going to keep piling on the Bullshit. Great.

"Hey, Lisa!" He beamed happily. "How's it goin'?" He chuckled nervously.

"Why are you at the airport?"

"Uh, uh, Cas' sister is uh, she's in the hospital." He explained.

Right as he finished his sentence Cas' head snapped up and looked at him with wide eyes before punching his arm.

"What?" He whispered, covering the phone with his hand.

"My sister is perfectly healthy, shit for brains!"

"Soo, what does this guys sister have to do with you? Do you know this girl? Who is this Castiel guy anyway?" She asked.

"He's a buddy of mine from high school." He looked into Cas' eyes as he said it and caressed the man's cheek and mouth a "sorry". Castiel wrapped his fingers around Dean's wrist and nodded in understanding. "His sister is dating Jo. You know Jo's like family to me Lisa," he explained, his voice softening a little. It was the truth. "I wanna be there if something happens, she banged up pretty bad.."

"So that causes you to drop everything and tend to this girl?"

"Lisa," He sighed in frustration and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "I'm not gonna fight, I have to go."

Castiel could her sigh from where he was standing. Her replied was muffled.

"Probably next week sometime."

The called ended and Dean placed the phone on the counter.

"Are you fucking crazy? What if she calls Jo and Anna?" Cas raised his voice.

"Me?" Dean asked with a laugh. "You're the one that started this fucking ridiculous string of lies, buddy, not me. I was just adding to it."

"I fucking panicked! I didn't expect her to call when you were gone, much less you leaving your phone behind!" His heart was beating a mile a minute, even though the worst of it was over, for now at least. "We didn't come up with a plan! You said that you were going to tell her when she called and where were you when she called?" He asked. "Out somewhere picking up dinner, that's where!" He hadn't taken a breath since he started rambling. "You know this shit never would've happened if you never pulled your dick out on my couch--"

"Cas." Dean rested his hands on Castiel's shoulders. He just kept on rambling. "Cas!" He called again, a little louder this time.

"What?" Cas looked at him.

"Breathe." He instructed slowly.

Castiel blinked a few times and took a couple of deep breathes. "Sorry," he winced. "I'm freaking out. I don't know what to do. We lied to her, Dean." He admitted clearly. "We lied to Lisa."

Dean nodded. It seemed a bit sarcastic to Castiel as he watched him. Is there such a thing as sarcastic head nods? "Yeah, Cas. I got that."

"So what? D-do-do we- do we just fly to Cali? Or what? How does this work? I've never cheated on anyone so I don't know. You're the expert in this department."

Dean huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes, "jee, thanks, asshole." He glanced over at Cas once more and realized he hadn't laughed. "Right. So, do you have money for two plane tickets to Sacramento?" He asked. "Because I sure as fuck don't." He continued, gesturing to himself and shaking his head.

Castiel shook his head.

"Alright. Then I vote we stay here and avoid her until further notice." Dean explained slapping his hands on the counter.

"And I think you should call her back and tell her the truth. Like she deserves." Castiel said as he walked passed him and into the bedroom.

"Cas!" Dean groaned. "You're fucking killing me, man. We lied to her, big fucking deal. What she don't know won't hurt her. I'll just end shit officially when she calls again in a few days."

"Dean...just--"

"No, Cas. No. Let me deal with this, it's not your problem. Unless of course, you're dating her as well...which last time I checked you weren't because you're strictly dickly." He explained while playful trying to grab at Cas' crotch to get his point across. "So just let me deal with her, okay?"

Cas looked at him and studied his expression for a second before nodded. "Okay."

Dean jumped up and pulled Cas up from the bed as well. "Let's eat. I'm fucking starving and the food's getting cold."

* * *

 

Dean finally told Lisa that what him and Cas told her was actually a load of bullshit. He started if he could meet her at the cafe down the street so they can talk.

That's why his alarm was ringing loudly in his ears. He groaned and reached over blindly toward the nightside to grab his phone to shut it off before it woke Castiel.

It was going on eight o'clock and Dean was not a morning person whatsoever, but that was the time that Lisa choose because she would be driving that way after she dropped Ben off at school.

He wasn't looking forward to this. He was imagining a bunch of different ways this could go. Whether it be her sobbing in the coffee shop and causing a scene or her screaming and cussing at him and also causing a scene.

He was out of the loft without disturbing Cas at least.

He had been waiting for her for at least five minutes before her heard the bell ring on the door. He looked up from his phone and there was Lisa, searching the establishment for a familiar face.

"Lisa." Dean waved from the small circular table in the corner. She walked right over with a smile.

"That's for you. Black, three sugars." He gestured to the paper cup across from him.

"So what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?" She asked. Dean could sense the worry in her voice.

The current situation ran through his mind one last time before he took a deep breath. He didn't mean to choose a public place for this, he was originally planning on going over to her house, but being in a cafe full of people, he thought he reaction would be more subtle.

"I--" he started. He could do this. He can, at least he's gonna tell her the truth. "I'm seeing someone else.." After it came out, he held his breath on anticipation.

"What?" She asked in total disbelief. He almost didn't catch the crack in her voice before she cleared her throat to speak again. "Who?"

He finally exhaled, "it's-it's--"

"Do I know her?" She choked as she clutched her chest. Her eyes filling with tears already.

"Him...Actually." Dean corrected slowly. "And no, no you don't." He reassured.

"How long have you been seeing him?" She gasped out. She blinked and tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Well," Dean sighed. "You've been talking for about two months, we went out for drinks a couple of times while you were out of town." He explained.

He didn't know how the hell he was sitting through this, he didn't even have a clue how he was feeling, numb, maybe. Regret? Absolutely not. He was more nervous than anything, because this still wasn't over. He was just getting started.

Lisa sniffled and wiped her eyes, minding her eye make up. "I-I-I don't even know what to say... Two months isn't very long Dean, and you're leaving me? For *him*?"

Dean winced at that. Lisa was not in anyway homophobic, but hearing her enunciate that word made him cringe. It made him gnash his teeth and he braced himself for whatever happened next, because he was ninety-eight percent sure this was going to something along the lines of gay bashing.

"Where did you meet this guy? Did you go to a gay bar while I was away? Y-you-you didn't--" she choked. "You guys didn't," she gestured with her hands. "In our bed, did you?"

"No! No, no I-I-we didn't. I- he's never set foot in the house, Lise. I swear." He threw his hands in the air in mock surrender. "We haven't, y'know? Since high school." He lied.

"Wait!" Lisa cocked her head to the side. "You went to school with his kid?" She asked, still confused.

Dean thought for a second, then his eyes widened. "You remember the night we went to the store to get something quick for dinner and we bumped into that dark haired guy? With the scruff? And we talked for a minute, and when he walked away you said he was a bit odd? Remember that guy?"

She nodded, trying to keep up with his quick rumbling "oh! That's the-the guy?" She asked her voice raising a notch as she tried catching her breath.

Dean nodded slowly. "Yeah, I-I dated him before for about two years before I met you..." He confessed in almost a whisper.

They sat and talked for a while longer and Dean explained everything to her. Well not everything. Just the stuff she could handle. He left the Sex With My Ex part out, just for the sake of her sanity, even though he knew it was bad not to tell her.

For the most part, she took it pretty well, she shed a few more tears before they finished but it panned out just as Dean thought it would.

* * *

 

"How'd she take it?" Cas asked from the couch not even bothering to look up from the episode of Arrow he was watching, as he hear Dean enter the loft.

"Good." He sighed, tossing his keys on the counter.

"So i'm free to have you to myself now?" He asked craning his neck to look at the other man.

"Free as a bird."

Castiel's eyes shifted from side to side before he looked at Dean with a confused frown, "was that a Skynard reference?" He asked.

Dean stopped mid stride and furrowed his brow in deep concentration, "no, it wasn't intentional." And continued walking to the couch and plopped down with a sigh at the end of the couch and draped Cas' legs over his thighs.

"You weren't too harsh on her, were you?" Cas asked softly.

Dean frowned and shook his head. "I don't think so. There was a little crying, but nothing too dramatic, we were in public. She'll probably open the floodgates completely when she steps through her front door."

"Did you tell her who I was?" He asked intertwining their fingers together.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I told her about that time we ran into each other at the store, remember that?" He grinned.

Castiel felt a pang of sadness shot through him at that. Trying to to remember it. "Yeah," he nodded. "I cried in the parking lot in the front seat of my car." He laughed nervously and tried to brush it off.

Dean gave him a tight lipped smile and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "That was my fault, i'm guessing?"

Cas nodded once and broke into a fit of laughter. "Damn right, it was your fault." Cas kicked his thigh playfully. "I'm a jealous person."

"So am I." Dean admitted before he started climbing over top of Cas and landed on top of him, making him grunt. He tried pushing him off.

"Get off me fat ass!"

"No!" Dean replied as he peppered kisses all over Cas' face.

"I hate you." Cas screeched before laughing.

  
"You love me." Dean grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts?  
> [Kora's tumblr](http://okaylittlebrother.tumblr.com)  
> [my tumblr](http://grandpahale.tumblr.com)


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